FML

This life doesn't seem worth living.

I keep trying to do stuff to make my life better, but instead it just seems to get worse and worse. When will I ever catch a fucking break?

I lived through all of that sexual abuse, then I lived through physical and emotional abuse. Then I lived through years of hellish flashbacks and many other PTSD symptoms. At times, those symptoms are still present, just not like they used to be.

Now, I am always sick. I got my Gastric Bypass Surgery so that I could be healthier and now I am not unhealthy then ever. I have issues with eating. Everything seems to make me sick, when I actually feel like eating.

I have fucking Fibromyalgia. I hate it. I hate living in pain and not really living my life. I can't go out with friends often, because I have to limit what I can do. I can't keep up with them anymore. I'm always so tired.

I have gotten to where I can be around guys and date. I am finally comfortable around them. But I just keep getting hurt. I do stuff with my whole heart, and when they don't, it just comes back to bite me in the ass. I give sex to easily and end up hurt. I can't seem to find that right guy. I should just give up on dating because my heart cannot take anymore.

I hate my fucking life. Suicide is seeming like a better option, each and every day.

I will have to talk to my therapist about this. I hate being this miserable.