Walk a Day in My Shoes

Back in March, I was shopping with my father after a nine hour day working as a nanny... not exactly easy. All I wanted to do was go home and rest, not to the grocery store. But, I went anyway and went in. This was the beginning of all my pain. I had pain before, but not this bad. I had told him that I was tired and wanted to go home while we were checking out. Well this started a huge fight. He told me that I was 25 years-old and shouldn't be tired. I said, well I hurt and I am tired. He told me that he was tired of hearing me say that. He couldn't understand why a perfectly healthy looking 25 year-old would complain of such pain and fatigue.

Then I started going to doctor after doctor and took trip after trip to the ER. I went to physical therapy religiously. My back was killing me and no were my knees. But nothing helped. Physical therapy hurt some, but not enough. I even tried getting spine injections. I was miserable.

Then one day, I decided not to go to the local ER but to go closer to the city to go to another ER. This time was different. While the doctor said she couldn't really do anything else, but patch me up and send me on my way with another prescription, she did give me some advice. She told me to get all of my medical records together, especially any diagnostic testing, and take them with me to any doctor I went to from now on. She said to get checked out by my Urologist and Gynecologist. She also said to see an Orthopedic Doctor, a Rheumatologist, and a Neurologist. She said I should get checked out for Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Multiple Sclerosis, and Lupus. She said that most likely it would be Fibromyalgia or Rheumatoid Arthritis. So I went to see a Rheumatologist and was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

After that, my dad became more sympathetic, but still it's hard for him or any other members of my family to handle. My mother makes rude remarks all the time. My father gets frustrated with me. M makes jokes. One day, I finally told him that it just wasn't funny anymore. Being in constant pain, just isn't funny.

Despite having a diagnosis, the ones that I would think would understand the most, just don't. It's hard to live with. It's hard to be in pain and hard that no one understand and wants me to do more when I just can't. It's hard that I want to work, but can't. It's hard that I can't always do social activities that I want to do.

I have hopes that this will improve. I have hopes that I will find some relief and that I will be able to do more. I have hopes that I will learn how to balance activity and rest. I have hopes that I will learn not to over do it when I do feel well... and I really hope that I will learn this soon because I think it is really setting me back. I mean, I know this, but yet I don't. I also have hopes that my family will come to some understanding and not be so frustrated with me.

If they think that they are frustrated, they should just try to imagine what it is like for me.

If only they could walk a day in my shoes.