Tired and Hurting

I'm so very tired. I hurt all of the time and am miserable.

I've had pain my entire life. As a teen I would have pains in my back, legs, and arms. I considered them growing pains. After I knew that I had stopped growing, I no longer had an excuse for these pains. No one ever wanted to here of a 15 year-old being in pain without having had an injury. So, I stayed silent for years.

I would always say, "Hey I'm tired, can we go?" After a while saying I was tired, people got sick of it. What did I do to be tired?

Finally six months ago the pain came and it did not leave. It was here all the time and with no reason. I spent countless trips to the ER, to my PCP, to the surgeon who did my gastric bypass surgery on August 30, 2010, to physical therapy, to orthopedic surgeons, to a pain specialist and I always came up empty handed. I finally saw a PA in the ER and she didn't diagnose me, but told me ideas of what to do and what doctors to see. After checking out things with the obvious ones (gynecologist, urologist, another orthopedic), I made an appointment with a rheumatologist. She diagnosed me fibromyalgia. She said it's up to either my PCP or my Psychiatrist to treat me. She faxed her notes and gave some suggestions on how to begin treatment. That's great.

But, I still feel so lost. How do I live? What do I do? This is so hard and I have no support. I am desperately seeking a support group that meets on a regular basis and also an online support group, but getting on the internet to search can be so overwhelming. There is so much to read and take in and I am simply exhausted.

Today I am blogging from my cell phone while laying in bed. It takes longer, but is physically less draining and not nearly so painful. Sitting up at a desk is difficult and sitting with the laptop on my lap is painful. I never knew a laptop could be so heavy!